Feelings and Stuff

Today I am quite a bit homesick for the first time so far. I definitely have missed family and friends during the time I've been here, but that feeling reminds me of how much I want to share my experiences with the people I love.

But homesick, that's a different thing. I think there is just such a stark contrast between when I am with my students during the day and when I get back to my room in the evening. They are so lively, warm, energetic, and appreciative of me. Today they asked me what I want to do in life when I'm done with school, so I told them I want to be a full-time literature professor. They said, "You will do well. We support you. We are your fan club!" These students are incredibly uplifting. Even though I know they truly appreciate me and what I try to teach them, I know I get so much more from them than they could possibly get from me.

So when I am not with them, especially on this day for some reason, I feel quite keenly their absence.

I think I am also starting to grow sick of the clothes and items I have brought from home, wishing for other things in my closet. For example, I didn't bring a long-sleeved t-shirt or sweatshirt of any kind. Even in the summer, I like to curl up in the air conditioning in cozy clothes. It still gets cool here in the evenings, so I am thinking about how much I wish I had a familiar sweatshirt from back home.

I've also noticed how easily the male TAs who are here with me from MSU are able to fill their down time with playing soccer. Sports are sports in any language, so they have been playing soccer or jokgu (the name for the tennis/soccer/volleyball fusion sport that I finally remembered to ask my students the name of) every night after class.

I think I also feel like I can't show any vulnerability when I'm here. The students are so happy, so I try to reflect this same attitude back at them.

Alright, enough feeling sorry for myself.

Yesterday one of the students in the program told me, "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life." You can't laugh at that serious face and such an openhearted compliment. I haven't had this student in class yet, so I guess he is a from-a-distance admirer. I know it sounds like the most ambitious pick-up line of all time, but I can't imagine this student has any intention of convincing me to stay in Korea forever and marry him. But, I'm sure he'd be open to the idea.

Thanks, Blog. I feel better now.

And something that is comforting, finding the bookmarks my sisters leave behind in the books we pass between us: a bright pink Post-it note, a Disney World ticket stub, an expired $10 off coupon from Target...